Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
