turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
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I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
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Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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