I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
