worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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