Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
