just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
