i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
