Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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