Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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