My hair reeks of homosexuality.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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