I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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