Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
they need to just BURY HIM!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
