Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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