hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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