Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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