my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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