be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
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You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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