And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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