your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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