yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
