Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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