He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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