The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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