she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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