Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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