and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
