Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
