i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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