dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
