that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
