just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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