i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
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At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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