Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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