Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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