i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize