i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
