the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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