Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
