Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
