you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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