dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We need to rekindle our bromance
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
