How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
