i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
third nipple confirmed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
