I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize