So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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