At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
