i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
