i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Someone came in the potted fern
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
