idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
