the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
