2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
