I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
