You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
