we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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