I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
