is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
