What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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