why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
