Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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